What Dating a Single Mum Is Really Like

There is a lot of nonsense talked about dating single mums, most of it by people who never have. The picture painted is of complication, baggage and someone with no time for you. The reality, as the men who actually do it will tell you, is close to the opposite: it is one of the most straightforward, low-drama and genuinely enjoyable kinds of dating going. Here is the honest version, so you know what you are getting into, which is worth understanding before your first date.

The myths, briefly, then the truth

Myth: she has no time for dating. She has less time, which is not the same thing. What she has is better-spent time. A single mum will not string you along for weeks of texting that goes nowhere, because she cannot afford to. If she is making time for you, it is because she actually wants to, and there is something quite lovely about attention that is chosen rather than idle.

Myth: it is all drama and baggage. In practice it is usually the reverse. Someone who has raised children, often while holding down a job and a home, has had the drama trained out of her. She has real problems to deal with, so she has very little energy for invented ones. The over-analysing, the game-playing, the tests: most single mums simply do not have the bandwidth, and dating is a great deal calmer for it.

Myth: she is looking to replace the dad or find a father figure. The vast majority are not. Plenty of single mums want exactly what a lot of men want, which is decent company, a laugh, some chemistry and something easygoing. She has the parenting handled. What she is looking for from you is not a co-parent, it is a good time with a good person.

What she is actually like to date

Direct, mostly. She will tell you what she wants and expect you to do the same, and once you get used to not having to decode anything it is a revelation. Conversations are easier. Plans get made and kept. You know where you stand.

Warm, usually. There is a particular warmth to someone who has plenty of love in her life already and is not dating out of loneliness but out of genuine want. It takes the neediness out of the whole thing. She is not auditioning you for a vacancy, she is seeing whether she enjoys you, which is a far nicer position to be on the other side of.

Fun, often. The best single mums have a wicked, slightly knackered sense of humour and a talent for enjoying a good evening precisely because good evenings are rarer for them. A night out with someone who genuinely appreciates it beats a night out with someone who has them all the time.

The things worth knowing

She will not always be available, and the men who thrive here are the ones who find that easy. Plans occasionally move because a child is ill or a babysitter falls through. This is not her messing you about, it is simply the shape of her life, and taking it in your stride is the single most attractive thing you can do. Get funny about a cancelled date and you will not get another. Be relaxed about it and offer to reschedule, and you have shown her exactly the sort of man worth making time for.

You probably will not meet the kids for a good while, and you should not want to. That part of her life is kept separate on purpose, and a man who respects that, who is happy to be the fun grown-up thing she does for herself rather than pushing to be introduced to everyone, is a man she will keep around.

And the pace is hers to set. Some single mums want something that could grow. Plenty want something lighter, closer to an easy, low-key thing that fits neatly into a busy life. Neither is more valid, and the trick is simply to be honest about which you are after and to listen when she is honest back.

Where to meet them

EasyMums is built for exactly this. It is full of single mums across the UK who are up for meeting someone, who have decided the straightforward route beats the endless apps, and who will appreciate a man who arrives without a headful of myths. Have a look at who is actually nearby, and start talking to someone you like the sound of.